4 Coping Strategies That Work No Matter What

SUMMARY

It’s a turbulent time right now.

Scary for many, especially the front-line health care workers who are risking their lives to save others.

Families of kids with disabilities or other serious health conditions are feeling a lot more stress than usual right now. And people’s mental health are suffering tremendously.

So how should you navigate through all this turmoil and fear and uncertainty?

Having raised a young adult with complex disabilities and gone through cancer, I’ve learned a thing or two about coping with the impossible. Let me share with you 4 winning strategies that have worked for me:

Coping in a COVID-19 World

It's a stressful time right now. Fear, uncertainty, and anxiety are everywhere.

SoaringFamilies can help with our FREE Coping Fitness Program.

Start NOW by downloading these audio lessons.

Full Transcript

Let me ask you … “back in February, had you ever heard of the term social distancing?” How about “shelter-in-place”?

Never, ever had I used those terms in a sentence. And now that’s all we hear.

It’s a turbulent time right now. Scary for many, especially the front-line health care workers who are risking their lives to save others.

Families of kids with disabilities or other serious health conditions are feeling a lot more stress than usual right now. And people’s mental health are suffering tremendously.

So how should you navigate through all this turmoil and fear and uncertainty?

Having raised a young adult with complex disabilities and gone through cancer, I’ve learned a thing or two about coping with the impossible. Let me share with you 4 winning strategies that have worked for me:

The first is called “WIN THE NEXT SHIFT!”

This is a basic strategy to winning any sports contest.

In baseball, that could mean getting the next out or winning the next inning. In basketball, it could mean your next 24-second shot possession.

If you coach your team to take that approach, and you actually accomplish this for each and every shift, then you’ll win the game, hands down.

How this applies to coping with a tragic or traumatic situation is very similar. Figure out what the next shift looks like that you are confident you can win! It could be to just take one day a time.

If you can get through the day and things don’t get worse, maybe that’s enough. Or if lasting the day is too much, you may have to go smaller, like one hour at a time. Or one event at a time.

The idea is to put a box around your problem so it is small enough for you to manage. Get control over it. See it more clearly.

Then, start winning, shift by shift!

Let me give you an example. When I was going through chemo during my battle with colorectal cancer, my treatments were 14 days apart. Day 1 was easy because I was pumped up on steroids. But Days 2-7 were really tough as I fought through extreme fatigue, nausea, and an overall unwell feeling.

By Day 8, the effects leveled off and my energy started to pick up. If I could find a way to get through those 6 days of hell, I could handle the treatment.

Those “6 days” became the shift I had to win. That’s what I focused on for each one of the 8 chemo treatments.

By the time I got to treatment #8, which was the absolute worst (since the effects were cumulative), I knew I had only one more shift to win. Knowing that was what carried me through.

If you’ve seen the 1999 film, “Any Given Sunday”, Al Pacino talks about this strategy in his famous “inches” speech.

He describes the game of football (and life) as a game of inches.

He says …“…You know when you get old in life, you find out that life is this game of inches. The inches we need are everywhere around us. On this team, we fight for that inch … because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s gonna make the …difference between winnin’ and losin’, between livin’ and dyin’!” .

So, figure out what your next “shift” looks like and start winning, inch by inch.

If you want to see the whole speech, follow this link. It’s well worth the 4 minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4tIrjBDkk

Second strategy is Visualize a REALLY Positive Outcome.

This is about focusing on the end of the game, a game that you actually win. If you can picture a successful outcome, it becomes much easier to figure out how to make the journey, step-by-step, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, inch-by-inch to get to that end.

If you can’t picture yourself winning, then you probably won’t.

You see, everything is created twice. First in your mind, and then in practice.

If you’re familiar with Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, this is the underlying theme of Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind, where mental creation precedes any physical creation.

Taking Habit 2 one level deeper is about believing that if you can dream something up – if you can picture it – there is always a path to achieve it. The fact that you can actually see this outcome in your mind means that the outcome is, in fact, possible, and you can begin to move towards it.

That sounds really abstract I know. But to make this strategy work for you, you have to do 3 things:

1) First is write it down. Describe what that REALLY POSITIVE OUTCOME looks like in incredible detail,

2) Then, read it out loud. Keep repeating it until the picture becomes even more clear.

3) Once you’ve done that, enhance that picture with better, more descriptive words, make the dance off the page, until what you’ve described is so real that you can actually feel and see and even smell what it’s like to be there.

This is what all world-class champion athletes do, by the way. That’s why they’re world class.

They envision things at a very detailed level and experience actually being there. What it feels like to win that championship game and hoist that trophy.

So I’ll go back to my cancer example … In the weeks before my 7 ½-hour surgery, I worked really hard at mentally preparing myself because, honestly, I was scared to death.

I tried to envision how things would be the morning of the surgery, getting ready to head into the operating room, the recovery days, and, finally, coming home.

I practiced this sequence over and over in my mind to conjure up a positive image. So when that fateful day arrived, I walked out of my house with a confidence that I could beat this thing, that I knew what was going to happen.

You can do the same! Go through each “shift” in your mind until you get to the finish line. Get energized and comfortable and confident that it will work out, and it can become a reality.

OK, Third strategy is FOCUS ON ABUNDANCE! Actually, this one is a bit counterintuitive, because when it feels like your world is closing in, this strategy can be the most difficult to put into practice.

That’s because the biggest challenge each of us confront when facing a crisis or a pandemic is FEAR. And fear can be all consuming.

It affects everything: your thoughts, your behaviour, your personality.

It’s paralyzing and put you on the defensive.

It attacks your confidence, your competence, your self-worth, and your energy.

There is no denying it – fear causes real pain and that pain makes it even harder to cope. If you’re fearful, there is no way for you to believe in a positive outcome.

The truth is none of us is called to be fearful. Quite the opposite. We are actually called to grow, to expand, and to live freer, fuller lives.

So if we’re surrounded by fear, what do we do?

Well the answer is this: focus on what’s going well in your life, right now, there is always something, and what you have in abundance.

No matter how tough things are, there are always things that you can be thankful for, even if they seem very minor.

This is about shifting your focus away from all the negativity in your world, all the negative messages, and look for all the things that are positive.

Shawn Achor, one of the world’s leading experts on the connection between happiness and success, tells us, “If you can raise someone’s level of positivity in the present, then their brain experiences a happiness advantage.”

When we’re feeling positive, our brains release dopamine and that does two things: 1) It makes us happier, AND 2) It turns on ALL the learning centres in our brain which enables us to better adapt to the world.

If you have greater power to adapt, your ability to cope increases, and so does your Coping Fitness. Get the picture?

To help you make this shift, do this: write down 3 things right now that you are thankful for. Doesn’t matter what they are. Don’t overthink it.

Make notes on your smartphone, if that’s easier.

Then, tomorrow, do the same.

Practice this habit for an entire month, while you’re in self-isolation, as we live through this COVID-19 world, and you will find that the power your fears have over you will start to diminish. Trust me. It works!

Alright so the last strategy is to FEED YOUR SPIRIT. Feeding your spirit means exactly that. Because we are more than just our physical bodies. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience.

Just like our bodies can’t go without food and water for more than a day or two, the same is true for our spirit. If we feed our spirit at least once a day, we increase our spiritual fitness which improves our ability to deal with emotional trauma.

So here’s what you can do:

1) Develop a Stillness Practice. Some do this through prayer. Some use meditation. Doesn’t matter.

Find a way to quiet your mind and still your heart. Do this for at least a half hour each day.

Shut out the frantic parts of your life, and the pain and pressures that go along with it.

Be present, in the here-and-now. Release the planning part of your mind of all the things that you want to do tomorrow, and all the expectations you’ve placed on it and yourself.

Just be in the moment, sense your surroundings, and listen to your inner voice.

Acknowledge and appreciate where you are now. Your path has unfolded to this point for a reason, no matter how difficult things may seem.

Remember, we are all called to growth and fulfilment.

2) Find Your Champions. In feeding your spirit you first must rid yourself of those people who want to tear you down, whether deliberately or not.

That’s because a good seed can never grow in toxic soil.

Second, take solace in the fact that you are not alone. Keep searching for those who are supportive and can build you up. These people will show up at exactly the time that you will need them, bringing new energy, new ideas, and new teachings. So be patient.

These are your Champions. Build your network of champions every day.

3) Make Love a Part of Your Life. It’s what all of the world’s religions have at their core. That means giving love and accepting love.

Let those around you know how much they mean to you. If you do, it will build a greater awareness of who you are. And make you available for greater things.

Try applying just one of these strategies today. They all work together so you don’t need to completely change how you’re living.

Getting through the coming weeks and months is going to challenge every one of us, in different ways.

Here at Soaring Families, we can be your ally and supporter to achieving that really positive outcome.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel and send us an email to [email protected]

Take care. Keep soaring. And be well.

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