What to do When You Have a Bad Caregiver Experience

It will probably happen sooner or later. The Caregiver you’ve hired to support you and your child will leave. It may be on your terms or on their terms. And it may end badly.

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you don’t even see it coming. Regardless of the reason, you are still left feeling hurt, vulnerable, even angry. You also can feel violated and cheated since the person who was there to help you and your child just get through the day has seemingly abandoned you, and now you’re on your own, again.

Make no mistake. Your Caregiver’s job is hard work. It is both physically and emotionally demanding. The hours are often long. There can be the stress of health events, seizures, emergencies, behaviourial issues, getting yelled at, and not feeling valued. And it’s often the case that your Caregiver is not paid an appropriate wage to meet the demands of the job.

Given all of these factors, it’s not surprising that things can take a turn for the worse. If the Caregiver is not feeling supported themselves, either on the job or in some aspect of their personal life, something eventually has to give. And it usually does.

If it gets to the point where you and your Caregiver part ways, here is how you can right the ship and get your life back in balance.

1.  Get all of your negative feelings out of the way!

Stephen Covey, the author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, once said , “Unexpressed feelings never die. They remain buried and come forth later in uglier ways.”

Whatever you’re feeling, get it all out in the open. Share them with the right people and get their feedback. Those feelings won’t help you find another Caregiver but they will get in the way if you don’t get rid of them.

2.  Don’t beat yourself up!

When the dust clears, take a long, hard look at what went wrong. What were the signs that a storm was brewing? What could you have done better to help your Caregiver get through any issues or grievances they have? Did you give them the opportunity to express their concerns?

It could be that the person you hired wasn’t a good fit from the beginning. One caregiver we hired was keen and full of energy in the beginning but it turned out she was actually a nervous wreck. When it came time to respond in an emergency situation, she caved.

It could be that your support needs had changed and the job now requires something they’re not comfortable with. If your Caregiver isn’t mature enough to discuss this with you, the stress and anxiety of this has to be channeled somewhere.

It could be that your Caregiver had lost interest. In our experience, the 3-year mark is usually the time when the relationship begins to wane. You may notice more absenteeism, like calling in sick at the worst of times. Or showing up late for shifts on a regular basis.

It could be that their home life has grown more complex and stressful. Everyone has baggage in their lives and it’s rare to find someone who can separate all of what goes on at home when they need to provide support to you and your child.

It could also be that you’ve lost trust in them. Being 100% authentic and honest is non-negotiable in our world. If you feel you can’t trust the person, especially since they’re alone with your child in the most vulnerable of situations or your child is non-verbal, you must deal with this lost of trust expeditiously before something regrettable happens.

3.  Figure out what your needs are now!

Have you ever written them down? When you hired your Caregiver, were all of the tasks, duties, activities and responsibilities explicit and agreed to? Have your needs changed since?

4.  Treat the hiring process like a pro!

In the rush to fill the void of someone leaving, don’t take shortcuts. Do your homework. Write down exactly the requirements for the job and evaluate all candidates based on those requirements. And don’t forget that your child has to feel comfortable with them, first and foremost.

You know the benefits of having a great caregiver. Don’t let a bad experience sour you to not find another great person. They’re out there waiting to come into your life.

We’ve created a helpful tutorial on the steps to follow to hire a great caregiver. Even if you're a pro at hiring caregivers, there are still things in this tutorial that can help you. 

Click on the button to learn more and get access.

-- Mike --